There is No Bussiness LIke Show Bussiness

"There is no Business like show business"

Marilyn Monroe plays “Vikki Parker” an aspiring starlet that becomes acquainted with the well established show biz family- the Donahue's . It is a musical so if you watch it prepare for that. In the first scene of the movie, the elder Donahue’s are young vaudeville stars. The scene is pointless, it is just a platform for (yikes) the vaudeville style songs. In the first scene Molly Donahue (Ethel Merman) dance's about dressed as a train. In the next scene she sings about how she misses the “dear old” songs this provides something for the music to rebel against because they start singing rag time. It shows the Donahue’s through stages of life. All of it, every line spoken provides a cut away to a song. There is a montage where we come to understand that the Donahue's struggled for awhile after the crash of 1929, and that there children grow and that they form the five Dohahue's. The number is “Alexander's ragtime band” than it goes into a truly baffling rendition of the song where they have German accents and are wearing Hollywood's version of lederhosen. That's right there is lederhosen. It goes on, and on- than they sing “Alexanders ragtime band” in a Scottish accent. Than it goes into a French rendition of the song. Mitzy Gainer brings a great deal of of Verve to her french rendition- what a body!

I never realized that one of the lines of Alexanders rag time is “so natural you want to go to war” what a weird song lyric. At 29 minutes and fifty seconds we meet Vikki Parker.

Vikki Parker is full tilt Marilyn Monroe in a black and white french maid costume working as a hat check girl. She is plotting to sing with the band to get noticed by a producer. This is where she and Tim Donahue meet. Through the magic of the montage we come to understand that Tim is a ladies man, that Steve Donahue, is dreamy and was a serious student. That Kate(played by Mitzy Gaynor” is a really good dancer. Now it is Marilyn Monroe's turn to sing and dance. Vikki Parker, coat check girl,aspiring vocalists takes the stage. Tim happens to be there on a date with a cougar. The song is “After you get what you want you don’t want it” it is painful to watch. She is no Mitzy Gaynor. Monroe wears a nude flesh colored dress, sparkle bursts provide the necessary protection. The performance is a watered down burlesque sequence, Monroe looks cheap and it makes me sad for her. So the movie goes on, Steve quits the act because he wants to become a priest. It is all filler till Marilyn Monroe (Vikki Parker) shows back up. Ethel Merman has a nice bit of dialog concerning Steve becoming a priest. Mitzy Gaynor stays out late, paternal concern is the theme. The next scene is a party that is a send off for Tim before he goes to seminary. There is more singing and dancing. It takes a really committed? Self hating? Person to sit through all of this, it is an excellent time to wash up a bit in the kitchen or run the vacuum. If you plan to stick this thing out you will need breaks. The next scene they are in Florida (the Donahue's.)There is a voice over talking about Florida. At Fifty-seven minutes and twenty-seven seconds Vikki Parker (Monroe) reappears. She is working in the same club as the four Donahue’s- and it turns out that she is performing the same number “Heat Wave” as the family Donahue. I read that when Marilyn Monroe was performing this in the movie there was a bit of outcry about her costume. She was feeling over weight and countered feelings of insecurity by insisting on wearing black under wear. The problem was this reminded people of pubic hair. I always think of this while watching this number. Tropical Heat wave performed by Marilyn is really entertaining. She does a lot better in this number than in her first, and I am not just saying that because of her black underwear makes me think of pubic hair. The movie gets stupider and stupider. Tim and Vicki go on a date this one date s establishes their relationship. The date hosts lines such as “ We can start a fire without rubbing sticks together” Tim drops Vicki off at her room there is a dispassionate 1950's kiss. Tim sings a truly awful song .Tim does a bunch of fancy footwork and statues dance around him. You may want to go check the mail and pay your bills or look at something on youtube. This is at one hour and forty six seconds. Next scene the family is eating breakfast and reading a letter from Steve. Tim takes a phone call from Vicki- and it comes out that Tim and Kate have been asked to join her musical review in the fall or some other flimsy plot twist. The flimsy plot twist leads to Marilyn Monroe's next musical number. Ahhhh what to say about this gem of musical theater. It consists of Marilyn Monroe laying on a red chaise lounge wearing some type of black body suit with a giant teal bow tied around her waist. Tim and Kate hover over the red chaise lounge and a prop phone rings. Marilyn Monroe refuses dates because she is lazy. Tim and Kate sing comedy style in accompaniment things like “Same hook, different fish” or listing a bunch of dudes names. They do some pretty strange dancing. At one point Mitzy Gaynor is poised with her leg in the air on the red chaise lounge. Why? I bet it was hard to do. They do not understand the words that Vicki sings like “supine” and “languid.” “She wont get up She wont go out baby what's it all about” Marilyn sings “I'm lazy. I wanna be lazy” Phone Rings on and off Everything about this song and dance routine baffles me. The highlight is the up tempo dancing of Mitzy Gayner. From the audience a man the viewers have never seen before says, “ I think I am going to marry that girl” refering to Mitzy Gaynor. Than later he goes up and asks her on a date. Weird! What a weird unnatural pattern of behavior he has never even met her in person? Next scene we are watching Steve getting ordained. The guy who's name is Charlie is with the family they go to congratulate him after the ceremony and Charlie asks if he has time to perform a small wedding ceremony. Kate (Mitzy Gaynor) exclaims who are you marring? “You,” says Charlie. She agrees! Way to steal focus Charlie. What is with this guy! Vicki is the star of the show and she is dating Tim and her time is valuable and she is is busy so she blows Tim off a couple of times. One dinner date she tells him to go ahead and than goes to the producer office to argue about a heliotrope dress. Following this scene Tim staggers back to the theater and is drunk and pretends to speak into a microphone. Vicki Parker shows up and he insults here in a 1950's innuendo kind of way that she is screwing the producer. Vikki gets upset and tells him to leave. The next scene the phone is ringing at the Donahue’s house and it is Kate and she is crying because Tim is no where to be found, and the show is about to start!!!! So what else can happen here, other than mama Donahue takes her sons place. Dressed as a sailor she dances with Mitzy Gaynor about sailor's getting tattooed. “A sailor is not a sailor till a sailor till a sailor been tattooooooooooooooed” Everything about it is awful. Awful. It doesn’t even make sense that anything so terrible could happen and that people were willing to be filmed doing it!!! Oh my gosh and they were paid! Jesus the world is a sick place. So once that is over the next scene is Tim is in the hospital because he got drunk and got in a car crash. His dad chews him out and slaps him and it is fun to watch. After his dad slaps him in the face he.... runs away? Even though he is like 35 years old. He leaves a note at the hospital for his parents that says see you around sometime. The movie continues for about half an hour where they search for Tim to no avail. Mrs. Donahue and Vicki Parker “make up.” And Steve comes back from the war. At this point I always realize that this movie, while made in 1954 was suppose to be set in the forties. Also all these things, coming back from the war and making up take place back stage where the five Donahue's last performed together as an act. So now it is the end of the movie the music swells and the song “There is no business like show business.” starts up. Mrs. Donahue stands alone on the stage singing “There is no business like show business” Mitzy Gaynor and her priest brother stand in the wings watching her. Mitzy Gaynor is wearing a tight red dress that shows of her lithe body. WOW! so they are watching their mother sing from the wings and who should show up! Tim Donahue! They embrace and signal to their mother, who skips a beat but than continues singing. Than Mr. Donahue shows up and the five Donahue's are reunited on stage to sing “Alexanders ragtime band” and it is stupid. Than the number soars ...gets bigger.... a melody of songs entwine the set expands and row after row of people join in. Garish colors assault the eye. Marilyn Monroe, wearing a sequenced mermaid style dress joins them in the final part of the song and the movie ends.